I am finding I LOVE CHANGE. It might hurt a little, but so does paying bills every month. Seriously, we all have to go through it--so why resist? Life is all about change. It's gonna happen whether you're chained to a desk or flitting from country to country in Europe. As the scholars say, "It's inevitable."
So, what & how have I changed since December? Ohhhh the lists....the painful, painful lists. So, I'll begin where I can remember & when I get to where I can't...I'll stop. Wow.
Thank God in the Highest it's through St. Stephen's Pastoral Center. Woowwww.....wow, wow, wow. OWW! Yes, counseling is as hard as everyone says it is. BUT!!!! It's also as rewarding as we've all heard as well. Miz Laurel is just about the best on the block. She's tough, sweet as pie & diligent. She never let's me "forget" where we left off last week...even when I'm really trying to.
TAKING MOOD ALTERING MEDS
I was TOTALLY against this right from the get-go. None of the silliness for Miss Kate. I'm a tough Woman of God. With Him alone I can do anything! Put me on the mountain & give me a gold medal. Then the depression of a major move settled in. Ahhhh...the bitter pill of Truth. Depression. Even the word is sad looking. It's stupid. It makes me angry (I learned how to say what things really are from counseling---see how I learn?!). I am un-motivated & I can't accomplish simple tasks like washing the dishes without bursting into tears at how suddenly DIFFICULT it is!!! So, after much prayer, I relented. I only want to "feel normal" again. After one week of the wonder-drug, I had done all my laundry, washed every dish in the house, unpacked the entire kitchen, given away 6 boxes of unecessary items, gone to the grocery store, watched an entire season of The Gilmore Girls, joined the Y, read every day in my Bible & purchased 4 more books to finish by month's end. OHHHHH THE WONDERS OF MODERN MEDICINE.
JOINING the YMCA
What the...? More "owwwww's" only this kind goes away, THEN COMES BACK. I really love it. I have the two best workout partners God could have given. They're encouraging, they make me laugh & are tough as nails. Auds, despite her vicious hatred of mornings, creeps out of bed at 5:30 a.m., 3 days a week, to hit the bikes & occassionally the weights (or her beloved rower). Then, as if that weren't enough, she has given in to her loathing of dance & joined me in Zumba Thursday nights before Bible Study! Then there's Kathleen. The former ballerina turned awesome writer gets me (& Audrie) up every Saturday for some sort of mind-boggling cardio. My favorite is Body Combat, where I get to pretend I'm kickin' some tough guy's tail. My least favorite have been the 5K "runs" where I walk & Kathleen kicks butt by running the entire trail. YAH. She & Audrie have this sick fascination with long distance running. On the street. When it's 32-degrees outside. And we haven't had breakfast OR COFFEE yet.
UNPACKING THE APARTMENT
Still a work in progress....don't even ask. NEXT!!!
I have decided to let God be God & figure out a way to get my skin in order. So far, He's introduced me to something called a laser, which in itself is mysterious, & microderm abrasion. My first of 6 laser treatments began with numbing gel. I thought this was a great idea, because I like everything to be painless & easy. Sure! Spa me away into dreamland!
It was fabulous until....I licked my my drying lips. Oh yes...I had this big day of "going to the derma-spa," then rewarding my new-found courage by a trip to Chic-fil-a (which I've knocked down to once a month). YES! I was so excited...until...I realize, "I can't feel the inside of my mouth. I CAN'T FEEL MY TONGUE!!! What if I can't taste my chicken & the two crucial pickles?!!" Oh the horror... So I did what anyone would do. I went anyway. I can taste next month.
TOTAL TRUST IN GOD
This has been the biggest hill to conquer. In fact, I'm still working on it...every single day. I've had a few ups n downs, but He is ever diligent in His love for me. I've forgotten it a few times & have had to crawl back to Him on hands & knees, begging forgiveness. Every time I hear Him say, "...what was it you did? I can't seem to remember." It's then I feel His Light filling my darkest places to remind me He's always there & always forgives my past. It's difficult to completely toss everything to "the Wind" & say "here, You handle this. I don't know what to do with it." It also takes much practice of letting control.....go..... This is where work comes in. Let go.... let it all.....go..... Drop the pride. Let go.
He will fill in the rest of the story. I'm living proof....He ALWAYS fills in the rest, even when the money's all gone, there's no food in the house & I'm not sure I'll have enough gas to even get 6 blocks to work. He always fills in my needs & has never let me down. So I'm here to tell you. This is just the beginning. Every day "is just the beginning." I like it that way!
Surprises are always around some corner! You may have to work for it...but it's totally worth it.
Loving life is my reward. I'm TOTALLY glad I chose to continue living, when I had the option to quit.